go back

january 2026

it's super duper cold and really icy. like really icy if you get what i mean. published on january 25, 2026

currently current

It's been absolutely freezing. Like below zero. Bertha, my heater, has been keeping my house warm though. She's making the place cozy.

I've been watching a lot of Charborg again. He brings me a lot of joy in these scary times.

I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE

I fall asleep every night with my airpods in listening to a Charborg VOD. Every single night. Sometimes, it's Jerma instead, but 99% of the time, it's Charborg. I also sleep with socks on. SHUT UP!

designing again

So, I am going to start with this topic just because I felt inspired to create things about some of the other topics.

I downloaded the newest version of Affinity to try it out. I still had the pre-Canva buyout Affinity software. I rarely used it because it felt clunky. I hate Adobe, but Illustrator was very, very nice to use. I loved Illustrator, and I hadn't found any software that comes close. I was looking for something that could handle vectors. This new Affinity is absolutely beautiful. I love it. I am obsessed.

First of all, everything is in one place. Vector, raster, typography, etc. It all works because it's just one program with different workspaces. It's like Adobe's Fresco for iPad, but on steroids. It's perfect. This makes me want to break out my old Wacom. Fuck, I regret giving away my Huion pen display too. Vector is SO back for me.

To explain raster and vector to those who don't know, raster is essentially rendering an image with pixels. It can lose its quality when scaled. Vector isn't great for images, but it is fantastic for graphics because it does perfect math and calculations to make sure the image stays crisp when scaled. Logos, typography, etc are all made with, or converted to, vector so that work can be placed on literally anything without losing quality. A lot of illustration work is done in vector sort of for the same reason.

Affinity doesn't destroy images in the process of making also. It's entirely non-destructive. Affinity can't do everything that Illustrator can do, but I am working with what I got. Plus, I don't think the design I'd want to do depends on like the 3d aspects of Illustrator.

Now, I have only taken a graphic design course waaaayyyy back in high school. I'm talking junior year of high school. This is a decade ago for me now. I never took any design courses in college. I wanted to, but I was really intimidated by the students that majored in graphic design. I did make my senior project about learning graphic design, but from an illustrator's perspective. The work was great for me at the time, but I don't think it quite defines what I would want to do if I were to pick up graphic design work. Plus in the time that I was in art school, I never learned about grid layouts which are crucial for design work. I've been taking the time to learn about this stuff now. I still gotta learn about picas though.

What I'm designing now is just stream of consciousness stuff with no purpose. It is my favorite type of design where words are just texture. I love type and lettering so much. I can never get enough of it.

Here's some things I made recently. Did not pressure myself to make anything look super good. I am truly just playing.

NYE

I spent NYE with my partner at the Walker. We ate at the restaurant there that is very well regarded. From my experience in the service industry in this city, hardcore service people dream of working there. I would too.

The food was really good, and everyone was really nice. However, that wasn't our main reason for being at the Walker. We were there for the British Arrows Awards showing.

The Arrows Awards gives awards and recognition to the best moving picture advertisements from the year. I know I tend to go on and on about how I hate ads, but unfortunately, I would kill to work in advertising. Some of my dream workplaces are ad agencies. The ads shown are quality and made with passion.

The Walker's showings don't show everything that got an award, but it shows a lot of them. I'll show some of my favorites.

The videos linked below are hard watches. Suicide mentioned in the second one.

Now, I have to say that the Arrows aren't the most "based" organization out there. They do award PETA every year, and this past year, have awarded an AI ad. Man I think Just Stop Oil was award one year, and they're a group created to make environmentalists look crazy. They received funding from crypto companies and Alieen Getty of Getty Oil. Just Stop Oil was a joke. Greta Thunberg FTW. Also, fuck PETA.

The Walker shows the Arrows winners independently from the Arrows themselves, and the Walker chooses what they show and don't show. The Arrows is like an advertising thing. They will be somewhat evil no matter what. I'm in it for the ads about the NHS, Alzheimer's Society, etc.

lexapro

So I think I've talked about being medicated before? I'm really open about it, and I do think people should talk about it. I developed a panic disorder in 2022 that was debilitating. I had no idea what panic attacks and true disassociation actually felt like, and they are the scariest things I have ever experienced. I also developed thantophobia at this time.

Anyways, my anxiety was so bad that I finally got medicated. I kind of dreamed of being medicated for about as long as I knew that my anxiety was not just "being shy." I resented my parents for neglecting this aspect of my wellbeing mostly because they were really willing to address it in my brothers. If there was one kid for them to neglect, I would prefer it be me anyways. I'm glad my brothers got taken care of. I just had the disadvantages of both being the eldest and a girl. Being medicated was a long time coming. I love it honestly. However, there are some really funny things about it.

I'm on lexapro, and so I get "lexapro eyes." I'm not nearly as bad as others. "Lexapro eyes" are just dry eyes, but it can be unbearable for some. I'm just fine with mine. It's not that bad. I don't believe in eye drops either, so I just gotta deal with it. I do think it's funny.

Now before I discovered the dry eye thing, I had called this other thing my "lexapro eyes." I had this permanent look of fear in my eyes before my medication. With the medication, I kind of have this distant, empty look in my eyes. They're soulless, but hilarious. To add on to the empty eyes, I also have the emotional bluntness that comes with SSRIs. I could be given terrible news and feel very little. I still feel emotions, but they're not nearly as extreme as they could be. I set off an alarm in Best Buy while I was visiting my parents. I did not give a fuck at all. Pre-medication, I probably would have wanted to puke. Idk man I just am unmasked while medicated. Sure, it makes me maybe too brave and willing to spill my guts to a stranger, but I am enjoying it. It also makes me willing to fight. It's so funny. I do look like this all of the time.

other small things

I went to the auto show here in town. It's just put on by the dealerships, so it's not really like a car enthusiast thing, but it is fun to go to. You get to sit in the newest cars and pretend you're shopping. There was nothing too crazy this year. Honestly, it was one of the more boring years. I am pretty bored of the current state of the automotive industry. They are bringing themselves down by abandoning the enthusiast market. However, Toyota has some heat. We got the Toyota GR GT which looks so awesome. It's RWD with a twin-turbo 4L V8 with one electric motor. The non-hybrid version is made for motorsports, and I think it's fucking baller. It sounds so cool.

I just love when Japan makes muscle cars. There's so much more swag with them than American muscle cars honestly.

All this gushing about the GT3, and I didn't even see it at the auto show lmao.

Other Toyota heat are Gazoo Racing. There were two GR Corolla hatches at the auto show. They have a turbocharged 1.6L I3 engine. That 3 cylinder engine spits out 300hp. This engine started in the GR Yaris which is used in rally racing in the WRC. I personally am very interested in well made engines with an odd number of cylinders. My neighbors got a 2007 VW Rabbit that has a 5 cyl. It didn't start as a 5 cyl unlike the Toyota engine because the VW engine was a Lamborghini V10 cut in half, BUT it's still really cool to me.

Odd cyl engines aren't used much because they have to be balanced. A V7 or V9 would never exist because you might as well make it a V8 or V10. Clearly space isn't an issue. Odd cyl engines can only work in inlines, and they have to be really balanced well. Toyota has consciously chosen the I3 because it's lighter, smaller, and they've already done the work to balance it in the Yaris. I mean, it's kind of miraculous that each cylinder is 100hp. The pistons have been strengthened for that amount of power, and back pressure is alleviated by a triple exhaust system. It's soooooo cool.

At the auto show, I got to sit in a Ineos Grenadier. Minneapolis has recently gotten a Ineos dealership (which was a Fiat dealership before), so I occasionally see the Grenadier around. They are super super cool. Ineos Automotive was started to make the Land Rover Defender spiritual successor essentially. They use a BMW powertrain. Ineos itself is a major chemical company with (of course) environmental controversies such as excessive benzene emissions in Ontario, releasing caustic soda in the Manchester Ship Canal, etc etc. It's a chemical company. They're going to do this shit. As far as I know, nothing as terrible as Bhopal.

Another small thing is that I've been playing around with a moka pot. My partner got us the limited edition North Face x Bialetti moka pot which is tiny so I can kind of only pull one coffee at a time, BUT it's really cute. It's super easy to burn the coffee in a moka pot. I've been followed James Hoffman's instructions and practicing. It's hard!

I have also been somewhat dieting? Nothing too crazy nor strict. I am just being more aware of what I eat because I managed to gain weight over the holidays. I noticed that my clothes didn't fit as good as I remembered, and I spiraled out. I was VERY emotional about the whole thing, so I was pretty drastic about the dieting at first. I am mostly cutting calories and moving around more. I was sick so that made me lose a lot of weight very quickly. It's been pretty easy so far. I don't feel like I'm starving either. Wish me luck!

I've been watching my partner play GTA 5. I had only played online, and I don't even know how many hours I put into it. I knew nothing of the story mode though. Honestly, that's my bad. I owned a game, and I didn't even play the best part of it. Having experienced the actual GTA 5, I get it. I really enjoyed it. When Michael's family turned around and all got along again (somewhat), it was kind of cute. Cutting back to Michael playing video games with his shitty son was sweet. I wish Trevor got to have Patricia though. The whole game is peak 2013-2015 pop culture. It's shitting on millennials. The pop music is a crazy time capsule. It was great, and a time in the world that I miss. I also miss playing GTA online with friends that were far too old to be playing with me, a middle schooler at the time.

vibes

Because I have learned Affinity, I can make my moodboards look cooler.

This second one is more design focus. I love design that incorporates illustration in a loving way especially in packaging. I think some of the most fun design is made by illustrators. I also love typography. I want to find this fun balance between handlettering and using typography because I really appreciate the font world.

I'm really into this bright green/yellow. It was pretty trendy even before the Brat album. It had popped up in design and illustration about a year prior to that album's release, and I don't think anyone's really let it go. I mean literally look at my footer.

Again, I don't really have music to link. I haven't been huge on music lately. I did lose my iPod which is devastating. I am definitely going to buy another, but my heart aches for that one. I also lost the earbuds with it too... I'm just not in a place to buy one anytime soon.

video vibes?

✸ All of the Kelliot Podcast/Collab Channel - I just like these two a lot. They're inspiring my design right now.

✸ Fran Meneses' vlogs - They have always been a vibe. I love how cozy Fran is.

✸ These videos journeying into 0-view YouTube - These are extremely amusing.

february

I can't spell February. I have to look it up...

Anyways, one of the first things that I'm getting up to in February is Sno*Drift. I normally keep where I'm going secret until afterwards, but Sno*Drift is big enough that I'm pretty safe. Other than that, there's not much going on. Getting job is the main mission, but I think I want to keep doing more design just to learn. Design is something I really neglected, but it's so much more important in getting a visually creative career.

Part of why I want to do more design is that the world's design preferences are shifting to more handmade as AI has taken over. "Not made with AI" is a marketing trend currently. The cool brands are highlighting how AI is never used in any of their processes. Even large brands are doing it. Apple filmed a new Apple TV intro visual. It's entirely practical. This behind the scenes video shows how they did it. It almost feels like a jab at Coke's pretend BTS video for their stupid Christmas commercial.

Be safe everyone. Lov you

Does anyone even read these?