july 2025
just some thoughts n stuffz; writing fresh from my brain. published on august 10, 2025
july recap
We started July by having what we called “America week.” This started with buying so many fireworks in Wisconsin. Collectively, we got about $300 worth? We ended up with so many bottle rockets, so we set all of them off on the 4th. We got some mortars too. Another part of “America Week,” was going to a (good) gun range and shooting a friend’s gun. We had a lot of instruction from this very nice lady there, and it made us feel pretty good. We got about 300 rounds in. Later that same day, we went to the Arboretum to see soooo many fireflies. They were so neat to see. I had seen black fireflies in our yard, but never at night. At the Arboretum, they had SPECIES of fireflies. On the way out, Chanhassan was doing their 4th of July fireworks display (on July 3rd).
On the 4th, we set off our bottle rockets and mortars and such like I mentioned, but we meandered down the block to a neighbor’s house to see what they were setting off. Turns out they had spent $4k on fireworks. They were being lit by a kid who drives a SN95 mustang and a shirt that said “IN GLOCK WE TRUST.” Another one of our neighbors wandered up, and we started talking to him because we see his numerous cars and bikes all the time. Well,he showed us what he had. Mind you, we were pretty drunk. At the first neighbors’ house, you are given a beer the minute you walk up, and your beer will magically refill. You may also be pressured to do tequila shots. Anyways, back to the guy with the vehicles. He showed us his collection plus the weird shit in his yard. It was a great drunk adventure.
The next morning, we were hungover cleaning up the yard. I was about two beers away from just sleeping in the yard the night before, so I was NOT cleaning up firework pieces in that state. The rest of the day was spent at a good American diner and spending too much money at Savers.
I had a day trip to Duluth in July too. It was for the Duluth Tall Ships festival where my partner, his cousin, and I got to go on If And When. It was a cool schooner made for Patton when the war was over and if he made it out. He was going to sail around the world with his wife on it. He never got to. It was only the second time I’ve ever been to Duluth, and I will admit much better than the first time at least for lake viewing. I had previously gone in the dead of winter, so it sucked. We did go to the train museum then so that was rad. Tall ships was super cool because the harbor was filled with these sailing ships coming and going all day. It was fun to get to go under the bridge. When we came back into the harbor, the captain saluted the bridge with a shell horn. Absolutely so cool.
Towards the end of July was the Minneapolis Aquatennial. We only attended the festival market thing by the river and the fireworks. The main reason we went to the festival was for Kanonball rally’s Cars and Coffee. This one was smaller than the last, so it was filled with the “coolest” things that I don’t know.. whatever car guys think are cool. It was just Porsches, BMWs, etc. I think it was boring, but there were some fun ones in there.
- My beloved Subaru Baja
- Toyota Sera
- Old Landcruiser
- Celica Supra
- 80s Chevy Cavalier
and more.
I know I wanted to draw more in July, but I really did not get the chance to. Part of it is self discipline, but also I was so busy all of the time. It was great to be doing things, but August is looking chill for me. It’s a good time to breathe. Maybe even give the garden more love. It needs it!
frazzled thoughts about the internet + creativity (again)
At my job, we had an event recently with a young girls' rock camp. It was super cute to see. They came in and performed songs that they had written themselves! I was amazed by their originality and creativity. They were like ten with stage presence! I was enamored by how they were just themselves.
I remember being that small and illustrating books about mermaids almost feverishly with my chunky crayola markers. When did I lose that gumption? Where did it go? What happened?
As a kid, you're pulled to do many things throughout the day. You go to school where classes are maybe an hour long max then you go with mom to the grocery store then you play outside with your friends. Oh no. No one is outside. Now you're bored. What shall you do? You start throwing a ball into the air and catching it over and over. This is fun! You do it until your parents call you to come back inside for dinner.
What sparked that fun and whimsy? Boredom. Boredom forces us to be creative and curious. Anything that isn't being bored is fun. I mean, if nothing is fun no matter how hard you try, then that's depression and a deeper issue.
As a kid, you would have all of the time in the world to get through that hard part of that video game. Maybe you would pull out the printed guidebook if you were lucky to have one. You might even ask your friends how they did it. The ultimate last resort was to have your parents do it for you or quit the game. I remember being small and brute forcing my way through the lava bike part of the first Jak + Daxter game. It took hours and hours. Kids have literally nothing else to do, but take that time to do those hard things. Might as well problem solve or find something else to do.
At some point, that "something else to do" started becoming the internet. I was about ten when I got unsupervised access to the internet. I was deep on YouTube let's plays. I would stay up late at night watching Pewdiepie's happy wheels videos. I think I watched all of them about three times? We all started to be on the internet more and more. The more the internet became intertwined with our lives, the more uncomfortable we became with being bored. If I wasn't doing homework, I was probably scrolling Instagram, watching art studio vlogs (I love and miss you, Frannerd), or if there was truly nothing to do, play solitaire. Anything I did was on a screen.
As an adult, being bored is strange and deeply uncomfortable. Many American adults don't let themselves be bored especially because American culture cherishes the notion of always working. It's not just American culture, but it's a culture that I'm obviously familiar with. The idea of always hustling always doing something works with those that live off of the land not someone that works a 9-5. If you work a 9-5 and you still are working in your 5-9, oof. That's not good. I was hustling like that in college. Schoolwork, classes, two jobs, etc. It was fun! I was addicted to it, but after graduating, I feel so lazy. I beat myself up about what I haven't done. Instead of that hustling or having fun, I spent my time scrolling on Pinterest and Instagram. I'll never get that time back. I could be on my death bed, and I honestly wouldn't even think about how "fun" it was to scroll Pinterest. No one does that!
My screentime was up to eight hours a day. I've heard the average is about four hours, so I was double the average. Eight hours a day could be a full shift or a full night's rest, but no. It's on YouTube. I don't even remember what I watched honestly.
Being bored makes me deeply anxious. I am positive that I am not alone. It's the kind of anxiety that is almost existential. This stupid little rectangle made me so addicted to it that I question my mortality and existence when I am away from it. Gross.
I lost my creativity when I stopped being bored. I want my creativity back. I am going to make myself bored. That's the key to fixing this. I need to be bored like I was when I was a child.
I got a fun Barbie flip phone to mostly take the place of my iPhone. Of course, I still need it to call Lyfts from work and such, but I can complete most of my day with just the flip phone and some other things that I have implemented into my life.
Music ↠ 4th gen ipod
Camera ↠ digicam + camcorder
Calendar ↠ Hobonichi
Notes ↠ commonplace book
And more.
Part of my internet addiction is also my pc. I already reduced it down to one monitor, but now I unplug that monitor when I am not on it. I blocked several sites from 8am to 6pm. I also blocked apps on my iPad because my iPad is a tool not a big phone!
Creating this friction has already helped me a lot to draw more. I am SO bored. It rules. I'm getting more done around the house too.
I do want to talk more about that existential anxiety though because I am so fascinated by it. Deep down, my brain perceives the internet as the universe. I think all of our brains do. I was just talking to my partner about this yesterday, but it's extremely easy to convince the human brain that something is what it isn't. It's why saying jokes that demean you is bad because you will believe it. Our brains have been convinced that the internet is everything there is or ever was. It's purposeful manipulation by tech companies, and it is so ick.
the artist's way
Along with disconnecting, I am also retrying Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way. If you don't know what it is, it is a book where you spend 16 weeks treating your creative self with love basically. You and your creative force go on dates, check in with each other, etc. It's a little woo woo, but I do enjoy it. I've tried it before, but I only got about halfway. I did really enjoy doing the morning pages. I recommend everyone do them! You just write three pages of whatever you think of every morning. You never read them again. They're for no one else to read. It just gets all of your frazzled thoughts out of your head. It's really freeing.
august
August is chiller for me. Less events and more me time. I’m hoping that the Artist’s Way can guide me and my Barbie flip phone save me. Lots I want to do, and lots of time I have gained.
I’m also thinking about limiting my spending to just things in person. Sometimes (a lot of the time), I drain all of my money into things online. Things I don’t really need. I think actively going out to find something I need may make me spend less. It also pulls me away from the internet. This started because I just want to go to more boutiques to find neat stuff!
Anyways, have a good August y’all. Wealth is no longer money, but control of your own brain. Drive tech companies mad and log off.